Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Types of adoptive moms(parents?)

Hey there, so I thought it might be a neat idea to continue with this idea of listing 'types' of people.
I think it's fun to do and I have found other blogs doing this about other stuff and I want to see how far I can take this so without further ado, here is my opinion and idea about what kinds of adoptive moms(parents?) are out there on the Internet today.

An adoptive mom who constantly details her pain and suffering and depression about infertility.
Not that this is a bad thing, but there is such a thing as too much of anything.Also, she is the one who is always trying to justify herself as a mom saying stuff like 'I'm the one staying up with him at 2am when he has a fever, that means I'm his mom' and the like.
I mean, I know some women are naturally insecure, but this is a mom who really wants to make sure everyone knows that she's the more important one. She's the one who's doing all the work, blah blah blah..
She is also the one who complains about the birth mom/family. Making them seem like the most horrible people ever to grace the planet, but then totally proving she is lying by messing up basic information while still trying to make excuses for not keeping up with an open adoption agreement. OR she is the one who seems to live in terror of the thought of her child's birth mom/family. Constantly hoping that people will not notice that her children were adopted or being a complete control freak about what other people can ask or say to her. She is the type of women who does not want to hear about her cousin/friend/etc having a baby and cannot even pretend to be happy about others growing families. She is the woman who has unfair expectations of her children and often even had trouble bonding with the children she so strongly believes she has a right to because of her suffering, etc.

Young, idealist, innocent of the difficulties they will face. These are what seem to be the perfect parents.
A strong, playful marriage, a strong faith in religion of some sort, people that are popular and have had almost no real troubles in life and have decided, not because of infertility, but because of some kind of conviction, that adoption is the way they should 'build their family'. They of course the ones that are willing to take on any child most often, and often get more than they expected. They are good people, the kind that are willing to learn and often completely shocked at the traumas occurring in the lives of birth moms and their families.
They are the kind that agencies love, the kind that seem perfect to every birth mom because they are often good looking. They themselves often have all the best intentions and many of them, even down the road, do uphold the promises they made, but often it is a trail by fire for them in many ways and very heartrending, but rewarding.

These are the gay/trans/lesbian people that seek adoption for obvious reasons. They are usually much better at understanding or at least accepting the tough realities of adoption and parenting in general. The way they parent is as normal as any other heterosexual couple, but the often face problems of the legal sort that get in the way of daily living. Problems such as equal guardianship which is important for matters of education and heath care as well as things such as vacations and interactions with public organizations such as libraries and recreation centers. As well, many birth moms are looking for a default 'mom and dad' situation, by way of wanting a common situation for their child and ask for heterosexual couples not even thinking about them at all.

Adoptive families who have already adopted at least once or have had several adoption related experiences such as failed placements or have worked as foster carers. They are usually older than all others seeking to adopt and know that it is unlikely that they will be a birth moms first choice. Although many are chosen because of their experience and by birth moms who want their child to have older siblings. They are usually not very rich, but very creative in their lives. They are the ones that know what it means to honor the connections that their children have with the past and many have found real friendship with their children's birth moms/family.

I'm too tired to think of more right now, I will probably edit this more later, especially if I get any feed back.
Which is unlikely, but here's hopin'... 

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